Prioritizing that First Porn Talk (or How to Eat a Big Frog)

by Apr 16, 2015Prepare Kids to Reject Pornography, Teach Healthy Sexuality

A big thank you to Nicole Carpenter, amazing blogger at MOMentity.com and best-selling author, for contributing this awesome blog post on creating time to talk to kids about pornography! Don’t miss her great tips and insights!
Redhead girl with alarm clock on blue background.by Nicole Carpenter

We make time for the things in life that are important to us.

We all have an equal 24 hours each day. And we get to control how we spend that time. C.S. Lewis states it best,

“The future is something which everyone reaches at the rate of sixty minutes an hour, whatever he does, whoever he is.”

But even if we spent every waking hour being completely productive, we are not super parents and we can’t do everything. So what gets left undone?

For me, it’s the hard things or inconvenient things that go undone. What are the things on your to-do list that don’t get crossed off for several days? You know what they are.

  • It’s the inconvenient trip to the post office or grocery shopping with all your kids in tow.
  • It’s calling the credit card company to dispute that extra charge or telling your sister you just can’t babysit her kids anymore.

Before long, these undone tasks begin to haunt your free thoughts.

At MOMentity we talk a lot about effective ways to handle a to-do list. But this isn’t about to-do lists or not enough hours in the day. The real issue is putting off the things that are difficult or uncomfortable.

How to Eat a Big Frog

Mark Twain is attributed to saying,

“If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And if it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.”

Talking with our kids about pornography is one of those big, slimy frogs that we just need to eat, and we need to do it now.

“Eat me! I dare you!”

Sometimes I believe I’d rather eat a real frog than have “that” conversation with our kids! How about you? But the facts tell us it’s important to talk with our kids often and early.

I have four kids, three of them are boys, and I’m actually really scared about the threat pornography is on their future. I’d do anything to keep them safe. And I know how important open lines of communication are with my kids—especially with the hard topics.

Make It Happen

Because you’re reading this, I know talking to your kids about pornography is important to you. The best way to find time to talk to your kids is to actually plan it into your schedule. This seems easy enough, but at the end of the day the frog gets away from us. So, decide how and when you’ll talk with your kids and actually schedule it into your calendar. Then hold yourself accountable.

family on couchHere are some ideas for planned activities you could do to spark a conversation about pornography with your kids:

  • Bring it up during a family night meeting
  • Read Good Pictures Bad Pictures with your children after school one day
  • Take your family on a picnic and plan to talk about it there
  • Discuss it during a Sunday drive when you have an attentive audience

Embrace an Opportunity

Last night my 10-year-old asked me if she could have her own Instagram account. She has an android tablet and several of her friends have their own accounts. We just happened to be sitting down to dinner with the entire family around the table.

I realized opportunities like this are the most natural way to teach our kids. I explained that her dad and I would have to think about it. We started a family discussion that started with images on the Internet are there forever and ended with Internet safety, good images versus bad images and what the kids should think or do when they see bad images.

We still haven’t decided on that Instagram account.

The problem with this wait-until-it-feels-right approach: we leave the important conversation up to chance. My advice would be to purposefully schedule time to have this discussion with your kids right away. And then, when spontaneous conversations like this arise, you can refer back to that initial discussion.

Actions Items You Can Do! (Really!)

Here are you action items to create time to talk to your kids about pornography.

  1. Decide how you want to teach your kids basics about pornography.
  2. Decide when you want to have this conversation.
  3. Actually write it into your calendar or add it to your to-do list.
  4. Hold yourself accountable.
  5. Embrace future spontaneous moments to talk about pornography and add to your basic conversation.

Nicole Carpenter headshotNicole Carpenter helps overwhelmed moms find their identity and manage their time so they can chase their dreams while they still nurture their family. Nicole is a mentor, speaker and founder of MOMentity.com, a blog and online community for mothers, reaching out to moms in over 7 different countries. She is the creator of the Define Your Time™ time-management course that helps women manage their time, balance their life and get more done. Nicole is also a columnist and best-selling author of the book “52 Weeks to Fortify Your Family:5-minute messages.” But her most important role is that of ‘mommy’ to her four kiddos and ‘wife’ to her college sweetheart.

Kristen Jenson
Kristen A. Jenson is the founder of Protect Young Minds and author of Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today's Young Kids. Kristen enjoys speaking, writing and anything else that will help empower kids to reject pornography. Kristen earned a bachelor’s degree in English Literature, and a master’s degree in Organizational Communication. Kristen currently lives with her husband in Washington State, where she enjoys growing a vegetable garden, watching Masterpiece Theater, and taking long walks with friends who tolerate her incessant talking about you know what. Above all else, her husband and three children are her greatest treasures.

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